By Abel J. (Class of 2026, Boston College)
A little bit about me before getting to read and look at my project:
Hey, my name is Abel Jimenez, and I am currently a rising junior at Boston College. I am a first-gen student, just like most of us who reside in the AO Program. I'm on a pre-med track with a Biology major (concentration in Human Physiology) and a minor in Finance. I come from a Hispanic family in the Longmont area. With my project, I hope you gain a perspective of a first-generation Latino who is simply trying to get his way through college and gain a better understanding of his own confidence.
My project heavily focuses on simply drawn imagery that depicts the topic of my own discomfort that I've faced throughout my college experience. My goal in this project was to be able to depict my feelings and thoughts through the simplicity of a drawing. As you will quickly be able to tell, I am no Picasso and truly ain't striving to be. However, I do like to randomly draw in my most stressful times when I need to let off some steam.
I feel it is important to share this project with the AO community in the hopes that others might connect with some of the simple drawings and gain the sort of comfort that I felt was lacking in my last two years. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel discomfort 24/7 when I'm away in Boston (or else I would definitely get out of there), but I do sometimes feel some discomfort on campus. And that discomfort is normal, and the goal was to simply share some of those normal experiences with you guys. I want to lose some discomfort in my own thoughts by sharing them with other AO students who might need it a little more than I currently do.
Drawings:
Losing a Sense of What I Consider Home: Depicted is the clash I currently face in my life when it comes to the discomfort of no longer feeling at home. It's quite a weird feeling and a problem that I never thought I would be experiencing. How does one get over the fact that they no longer feel comfort in their own home in Colorado, but also feel no comfort in their room at college? The image depicts two buildings: one being the lovely home I currently reside in (at least sometimes since I mainly live with my sister in her apartment), and the beauty that is Gasson Hall, which is a building located on my campus. Throughout the past years, my two lives have seemed to merge. The discomfort stems from the fact that I don't feel settled at either building in my life as of right now. I come home and no longer feel like I'm a normal resident living here; I go back to school and feel like I'm simply just vacationing there extensively before returning to CO. I think it's simply just a harsh reality of leaving home for school. I definitely can say that life has improved drastically for me, and I love the experience that I've gotten the opportunity to receive. However, it's important to note that for a first-gen student it can feel incredibly hard to leave home, especially when away from such a close-knit family like mine.
The Spaced out College Student Seeking Assistance: Imposter syndrome came readily easily when it came to my first experiences in a college classroom. Gaining a feeling of loneliness in terms of feeling like there was no one else in the classroom that felt the same discomfort as me. A discomfort of not being able to grasp new material at the same rate as others, not being able to perform as well as my classmates, and not being able to study as little as some others would do. At times it felt like I was the only chair in a classroom; Anxious to learn, but feeling lost in thought and spaced out of reality leaving my chair empty alongside the classroom.
The Tortured First Gen Student Department: Depicted is rather a quite simple drawing with not too much to tell. I understand the drawing as a depiction of the front desk of the office that runs 24/7 in my mind when I'm living throughout each college semester. Printing to do lists, schedules, worksheets, notes, and so much more that simply never stops. The office is named the department of first gen misery. I don't think it should be viewed in such a bad light though. I simply am depicting the feeling that sometimes becomes rather present when I'm stressed with work, school, commitments, and opportunities. The sorry we’re busy sign is the signaling of discomfort that I hope arises when looking at the image. A discomfort of not being able to keep up sometimes and simply hoping someone will make the chaos stop. This discomfort is displayed rather exaggeratedly, but I hope if you ever feel such discomfort that you put up that sign in your office one day to give yourself a break.
That Horrid tuition Bill: If anything brings me discomfort every year, it will always be the notification that my billing statement is ready for the upcoming school year. If there's one thing you must know about me, it's that I am stubborn. So stubborn that I will do simply anything and everything to make sure I pay barely anything to receive a higher education. That same stubbornness is the reason I ended up with an RA position for the 2023-2024 academic school year at BC. I knew that working on campus would simply not be enough to ensure a paid-off bill. So, I did what most other lower-income students would do in my position and found a way to drastically lower my tuition bill. Little did I know the discomfort that the role of Resident Assistant would bring into my sophomore year. A discomfort in explaining to friends and friends of friends that I would most likely be living with freshmen rather than my own friends for my four years at BC. That I would constantly be on duty from 8 pm to 2 am randomly throughout the semester and not be allowed to leave my dorm when doing so. It's quite a strange loss of comfort in not being able to choose where you'd like to live on campus. I guess I gained some comfort in being able to have my own room even if it was an old small one that Res Life put us in for the school year. I am once again entering my junior year with the same role and sadly got placed in the same residential building. However, I've gained comfort in the role and my living situation, which I hope will be the same for others who might have to experience the same.
To end: I greatly appreciate anyone who got to the end of my project and hope I could shine a light on some issues that I have faced in college that might relate to others. I also want to note that the feeling of discomfort is necessary in order to gain the feeling of comfort at one point in an individual's life. If discomfort is never felt then comfort was never truly there in the first place.
Abel was one of Access Opportunity's Student Ambassadors throughout the 2023-24 school year. He worked on many different projects this year, but this essay represents his final work as an ambassador. To learn more about him, please visit his other blog post. We wish you luck in your junior year at BC, Abel!
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